Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
They call it stormy Moday, but Tuesday's just as bad
Wednesday's worse, and Thursday's also sad
Yes the eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
Eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
Sunday I go to church, then I kneel down and pray
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.
"See, Here is your first roommate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second roommate. His IQ is 150!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third roommate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then, another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shakes it. "I'm your last roommate and I'm sorry but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest replied, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together right now."
He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father…”
The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”
She says, “He said, “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”
An Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in
He walks into the local pub, orders three pints of Guinness takes them to a table and proceeds to drink them taking his time.
He repeats this two times and then leaves the pub.
A few nights later he returns to the pub, orders three pints of Guinness, takes them to a table and drinks them taking his time. He repeats this two times and leaves the pub. He continues this for several weeks.
Soon the entire town is talking about the “Three Pint Man.”
Finally, one day the pub owner on behalf of the entire town broaches the subject to the man. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks are quite curious why you order three pints each time you come in .”
The man replied, “I have two brothers – one in
The pub owner and the entire town thought this was wonderful and were pleased that the brothers meant so much to each other. “The Three Pint Man” became a celebrity not only to the town but to the surrounding area.
One day the man came into the pub and orders only two pints of Guinness. The pub owner poured them with a heavy heart knowing in his soul that something dreadful must have happened. The news spreads around town and people are offering prays for the “Three Pint Man.”
This went on for a few weeks and the pub owner says to the man, “I want to offer our condolences due to death of your brother. We are all heart broken. You know the two pints and all.”
The man ponders this for a few minutes and replies, “You will be glad to hear that my brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up Guinness for Lent.”
ST. PATRICK’S DAY ENGAGEMENT
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day.' he smiled. 'I gave you a sham rock.’
A Irishman walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2009 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.
The Irishman, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'
The social worker said, 'Yeah, well, YOU started it.’
La Fheile Padraig Sona Duit! (Happy St. Patrick’s Day!)
Éirinn go brách! (Ireland forever!)
Chief Investment Officer
Department of the Treasury
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Okay, for me Mardi Gras is the begining of Spring. It's the begining of festival season, although I really only go to two festivals: The French Quarter Festival and Jazz Fest. French Quarter Fest is like the best free music festival ever. And Jazz Fest is the best music festival ever.